It’s not what you think, it’s not what you say, it’s what you do that defines you.

What does that mean then!!! It almost sounds a little like that adage that states if I knew then, what I know now my life would be different……a lot of words that sound about right but not really saying too much other than the obvious. So let’s just look at that for a minute. I think most people would agree if they knew then, what they know now of course their life would have been different, of course it would be, very obvious.  Most people responding to this statement begin their response  with “I wouldn’t have……..” and then an array of things that they would have done differently and ending with a resounding agreement “You’re right, my life would have been different”  and with a quick shrug of the shoulders, they continue to get on with life….So, what’s the point in saying it and more importantly what the point in engaging with such conversations if all is going to do is state the obvious and give yourself the opportunity to remind yourself of the things that may have been different in life, if only you hadn’t done, said etc. It just becomes another comforting statement we can all say to each other and give that knowing smile, that knowing nod of agreement and saying ‘You’re not wrong’.

What we think and what we say isn’t important then ?

So back to the statement, ‘it’s not what you think is not what you say it’s what you do that defines you‘   I really need to point out from the offset that I am not saying that your thoughts are not important or what you say isn’t important, not at all. In fact, the truth of the matter it is quite the opposite. Your thoughts have a huge impact on the way that you are and how you present yourself. (Look out for the ‘blogs from beyond’ on TEA, it looks at how your Thoughts and Emotions dictate your Actions)  This blog is focusing on getting you to reflect over what you do and how you do it.

What is the point ?

Some could say that it is just pointing out the obvious, yet again. We all ‘kind of’ understand that what defines us is what we do and it is not how we think or what we say. We all have thought things and said things that we just didn’t turn into action. Working in the change management industry gives me so many opportunities to listen to so many explanations from people why things didn’t turn out the way they had intended or why they didn’t ‘do it’. Irrespective of all these explanations, the remaining fact is, what they did do, defined them. The point is, its good to remember and have the reminder that your actions define you.

How do you manage your life ?

It’s a question I ask a lot of people I work with and the responses differ from person to person. There are however,  several common responses relating to ‘I don’t manage my life, it just happens’ or ‘I don’t know, I never really think about it’. Whether you are consciously managing your life or not, you are still managing your life. What you do, the actions you take and how you are as a person, defines you to the outside world, and you do it every day. If what you have in your life, who you presently are and how you feel isn’t matching what you would like it to be then take a little time to reflect on what you are doing and how you are doing it.

Ask other people what they think and get a wider prospective.

I suppose it all depends on how you are asking and who you are asking will depend on what you get back. If you were to ask your mum for example I’m sure you will get a very favourable description. Can you remember parents evening at school and getting your teachers findings, maybe a slightly different explanation from your mums. Maybe ask your friends or your partner, wife or husband. Ask them to be honest not just to say the things they feel you may want to hear. If this is something you feel a little uncomfortable to do, then just put yourself in their shoes and imagine how they would describe you to someone who doesn’t know you.

How to become a better version of you

After you have asked the questions, whether that’s to others or yourself and you find the answers not really coinciding with the vision and intent of who it is that you are wanting to be, what do you do next.  First thing to do is to become as aware and mindful of the things that you are doing as you’re doing them and make it a habit to just ask the question, ‘how does what I am doing right now define me’ ?                                       
It’s the first step in managing your life to go in the direction that you really want to go, and if you are serious about managing your life to be the best version of you yet,   you can always book yourself a discovery call with me and we can explore this a little bit more.


Try to remind yourself as often as you can, write it on a post-it note or put it on the fridge, in your diary or somewhere where you will see it regularly….

Its not what you think, it’s not what you say,                                                                                 it’s what you do that defines you

stay focused my friends and have a great day.

This blog forms part of ‘blogs from beyond’ and the full series of blogs can be found at